Baby Decision Coach
How Coaching Can Help You Get Off The Fence About Having Kids
For anyone on the fence about having kids, you may decide that you need someone to guide you through this decision making process. Enter a “Baby Decision Coach”. Yes, it’s really a thing! This week I’m sharing an article from a couple who did just that… They worked with Baby Decision Coach Merle Bombardieri: Should We Have Kids? We Asked America’s Baby Decision Coach
Merle is a therapist and author of The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life. You can also find her on Instagram. I have not personally worked with her, but I have followed her posts on social media and think she’s a great resource. I also see she’s offering a 2 day virtual Decision Confidence Workshop in January that looks really great if you’re looking to dive in ASAP!
It’s helpful to follow as Merle takes this journalist and her husband through a session to get a sense of what sort of topics come up and how a coach might provide guidance. At the bottom, the author included some really great resources including several books and a couple podcasts that you should definitely take a look at, too.
Coincidentally, I saw that yesterday Time posted a big article on Merle: People Aren’t Sure About Having Kids. She Helps Them Decide, which is another great read. Mother of a Dilemma once again having our finger on the pulse this week! :)
You’ve probably been hearing a lot more about coaches in recent years. Coaches are not therapists, although therapists can become them as Merle has. Therapists stick to a rigorous education and certification process and are licensed and regulated by government bodies to handle a myriad of mental health concerns. Often therapists focus on going back and healing trauma from the past.
Coaches, on the other hand, often focus on the present and the future. They work to help you overcome blocks so that you can get out of your own way and move forward. There are all sorts of coaches you can work with from health coaches to career coaches to life coaches. Coaches often have personal experience in their area of expertise as well as training in various coaching methods, but the industry isn’t regulated in the same way. While some have criticized this, coaching has boomed for a reason… it’s highly effective.
Working with a coach to help you make a decision about having kids can be really helpful. First of all, your coach is a neutral party who has no investment in whether or not you choose to have kids. They’re not your mom who is desperate for grandchildren or your friend who secretly wants you to stay childfree with her so the friendship doesn’t change. They’re not your partner who you might feel pressured to please to keep the relationship afloat. Your coach is not going to be angry or offended by anything you say, so you’re free to say what’s really on your mind even if it feels hard to say out loud. A coach holds space for you and is completely confidential so you can really be honest with yourself. While the article I shared above shows a couple going through the coaching process, it’s also extremely common for individuals to do this process alone even if they’re partnered.
Additionally, your coach has likely been through this before and worked with others in your same situation. They will have tons of experience and resources to deal with the exact thoughts and concerns you’re having. As much as being on the fence can feel like a very lonely and isolating experience, it’s actually incredibly common! Every thought, fear, concern or question you’ve had has been on the minds of others in your shoes who came before you, I promise. Coaches can help share that wisdom with you while you mull things over.
How do you know when it’s time to see a coach about this decision? Really anyone can who is looking to make this decision can benefit from coaching, but this is a must for anyone who has obsessive thoughts about this dilemma or thinks about it too frequently (daily or almost daily), anyone anxious that their fertility clock is running out of time, anyone experiencing mental or emotional distress over feeling stuck or lost, anyone experiencing large amounts of fear or worry about making the wrong decision or regretting their choice, anyone hitting a major or unusual roadblock and unsure how to proceed, anyone not on the same page as their partner or feeling the strain of this dilemma on their relationship, anyone under a lot of external pressure, anyone stuck yo-yoing back and forth between yes and no, or anyone dealing with something similar to these other examples.
In light of recent election news, we’re also finding that our community has grown exponentially overnight. People who once were 100% sure they wanted kids are for the first time finding themselves in the foreign territory of “questioning”. If this is you, a coach would be really helpful right now.
If you’re reading this thinking, “Man, I wish I could work with a coach. I feel like I really need that!” then now might be a good time to tell you… I AM A COACH!
I offer 1-on-1 coaching customized to help you with your exact situation. We’ll dive into your background and the specific factors that are complicating this decision for you. Then, we’ll carefully unpick this knot one thread at a time to help you uncover your true feelings, what’s most important to you, and your best path forward. We’ll question any old programming or any voices in your head that don’t belong to you. And we’ll replace thoughts that keep you stuck with upgraded beliefs that empower you to move forward with clarity.
As my longtime readers know, I created Mother of a Dilemma because this is in fact the very struggle I’ve been through myself. I spent years spiraling about this decision and looking under every rock for an answer before finding clarity for myself. I know how alone and misunderstood you can feel. I know how much shame can exist for not knowing. I know how overwhelming it can feel… I know exactly what you’re going through, and I can help shortcut you to the finish line to save you some of the torment.
Look, I never gate keep with you guys, so I’ll always share other coaches and their programs and workshops to give you the option if it feels aligned for you. The purpose of this community will always be first and foremost to be a resource for you. I also know working with really experienced coaches like Merle can get expensive and not everyone has the resources to do so. Because I’m a newer coach, I can offer my services at a rate that is a bit more accessible.
If you’d like to learn more about how to get coached by me, please email me: motherofadilemma@gmail.com. I offer a free 30 minute consultation, and we can discuss options from there. If this is something you’re really struggling with, perhaps with even more intensity from current events lately, please do not continue to suffer in silence and let time pass you by. Let’s get you some relief and help you find clarity and peace!
Valerie