Chappell Roan’s Viral “Call Her Daddy” Comments

Apr 04, 2025

black and silver microphone on brown wall — Photo by Chris Lynch on Unsplash

C’mon… You knew what I would be writing about this week.

Music artist Chappell Roan went on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast recently and said some comments about parenthood that went a little (lot) bit viral… Here’s the main section of it that’s repeatedly quoted in everyone’s responses:

“All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I don’t know anyone, I actually don’t know anyone who is happy and has children at this age... I literally have not met anyone who is happy, anyone who has like light in their eyes, anyone who has slept…”

Oof, both a potentially harsh take and also kinda relatable to those of us on the fence maybe?? Doesn’t sound like we’ll need to Call Her Mommy anytime soon. This clip spawned a frenzy of responses on TikTok as you can imagine. I’m both excited to discuss it this week and also hesitant. I want to give voice to this topic but am also reluctant to be part of the oversized response. I ultimately decided that in writing this, my take is not about defending or vilifying Chappell. It’s about looking at the reaction itself and parsing out takeaways relevant for people on the fence about having kids.

Before we go on, many women of color used it to speak on white feminism, which is worth noting, but it’s a bit beyond the scope of this Substack, so for our purposes I’ll be keeping the conversation focused on any responses that were directly about the decision of parenthood. But please do feel free to do a deep dive on those videos as well if that interests you as I think there are some valid points there!

I’m torn between defending parents from what some could argue is an insulting and unfair assessment made on their behalf and defending women who are allowed to look at parenthood and say that it doesn’t look appealing to them. My charitable take on her comments is that she meant no harm and was just voicing what a lot of 20 and 30 somethings are struggling with… the question of whether or not we want to become parents when the image we’re presented with is so grueling.

You might be thinking, “What is the big deal? It didn’t seem that bad!”... And many people would agree with you. Like I said, I think a lot of people on the fence could relate. I noticed an opinion writer for USA Today thought so too. Even a lot of parents expressed they were unbothered, and in some cases even supportive, of the podcast comments. We’ve all seen the stats that have come out in recent years that childfree women tend to report being happier. So is this really such a controversial comment?

But we as a society love to take a sound bite out of a long interview and lose our shit, don’t we? This debate disregards a lot of other things she said about her friends clearly showing love for them and just expressing how different her life is from theirs. But we’ll put that to the side for now because that’s not how outrage culture works. People are having big reactions and that’s what we’re addressing here.

I would say the culprit was the use of the word “hell”, but I actually think the phrase that really set people off is “not happy”. It’s a really loaded phrase. I’m not surprised some moms are “crashing out” about this, as they’re being accused of doing. I think I too would be insulted if somebody looked at my life, or listened to me vent about something and then told the world I was not happy. I think I would feel a little offended and betrayed. Who are you to tell me if I’m happy or not? I’m the only one who gets to decide that.

I really like the point this woman makes. She talks about how hard motherhood can be and needing a safe place amongst friends to bitch about the hard times. She implies Chappell may not have been that safe place for her friends and that she may have betrayed them by making these statements publicly. She also gently points out the hypocrisy. Chappell is quick to complain about fame and the pressures of the life she’s chosen, but I’d have to imagine she’d be hurt if her friends said she wasn’t happy with her life choices to pursue music. She, like parents, deserves a safe space to vent without it meaning she’s on the wrong path.

But again, this isn’t really about Chappell, so let’s think about ourselves here. We’re probably all guilty of this kind of hypocrisy, are we not? Can we relate to complaining about a job, a passion project or side hustle, marathon training, or whatever… some type of difficult thing that sometimes stresses us out or exhausts us but that we want to be doing? Maybe this is a better access point for us to understand how moms might truly feel about motherhood. They can still love it and also struggle with aspects of it from time to time. And maybe moms have earned a special right to complain about it and talk shit about motherhood in a way that childfree people have not? Sort of like the ole, I can talk shit about my family, but I’ll fight you if you say anything about them kind of thing?

Moms are repeatedly making the point that perhaps childfree people are looking at the motherhood experience as too black and white. Either it has to be “good” or it has to be “bad”, and the reality is that it’s both and everything in between, all at the same time. It’s this complex thing. It’s maybe not as simple as “happy”. Just because their face doesn’t look like the happy emoji doesn’t mean they aren’t. There are richer, more specific feelings like satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment that may more accurately describe the experience.

If you’re on the fence because you’re intimidated by how hard and intense motherhood seems (and is), this might be a worthwhile theme to reflect on… Whether you’d be willing to take that on knowing that it wouldn’t necessarily translate to “unhappiness”. What else in your life has been really difficult and grueling but also completely worth it?

I really loved this response from a woman who is also a musician. She really articulates this idea that it’s sort of a lose-lose for moms. When moms voice frustrations about motherhood, they’re attacked. When moms talk about loving motherhood, they’re treated like they’re dumb and brainwashed. And we’re seeing that happen here… Moms speaking out against this clip are being labeled defensive, triggered, or in denial of their unhappiness.

Or perhaps it’s simply the need to speak out in the comments at all that suggests this denial? That’s how this TIkToker feels. Her argument is that parents who are truly happy aren’t reactive to statements like the ones Chappell made and aren’t chiming in online about this. She also shares the increasingly popular opinion amongst some childfree people that motherhood is the greatest lie we’re ever sold as women.

And I think this here is another key piece of the puzzle. There’s a lot of anger and rage from women who feel that men and society have used motherhood as a trap to keep women down and controlled. These women feel empowered to opt out of motherhood, which is great! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with seeing it that way and making that choice. I can often tap into that vantage point myself. Where it gets dicey is when it can sometimes foster an elitist belief that women who choose motherhood are sheep and that women who do not are somehow smarter.

In case it needs to be said, this isn’t true. But I have noticed those undertones from some childfree platforms and it’s my suspicion that this is what some parents might be actually reacting to. It’s not that they don’t support a woman’s choice to be childfree, it’s that they don’t enjoy being pointed at with disgust and hearing, “I don’t want to be that.”

I think these types of tones are where we see women starting to turn on each other. Moms feeling completely disrespected and belittled and childfree people feeling invalidated and misunderstood in their choice. Women need to be allowed to respectfully say that they don’t want to be mothers and that they’re happy being childfree without it implying that choosing motherhood is bad or wrong and moms taking it as a personal attack against their life choices. And childfree women need to stop assuming any reaction to them is a sign of jealousy and regret.

This whole kerfuffle highlights how much this whole issue has turned women into moms vs. non moms. You’re with us or you’re against us. To me this is the greatest tragedy. Other women are not the enemy here. Neither side is the “right” side. From our vantage point on the fence, we internalize this divisiveness whether we realize it or not. The choice becomes more than just whether or not to have a child, it feels like choosing which ideology to side with. I think this really adds a layer of pressure and confusion when contemplating this choice, and it adds to the false narrative that you could make a wrong move. It doesn’t need to be that way!

We have to be careful that in striving for freedom to choose the life we want that we’re not doing it by pushing down or stepping on other women making a different choice. That’s the whole point… We want choice. Choice implies that there’s more than one option and we let everyone decide for themselves. All women are doing the best they can living in a patriarchal society. The real “enemy”, as so many other voices in this debate have said, is the society we live in that makes this so difficult for women. A society that makes motherhood so difficult for moms who choose it, scares women away from it who might have chosen it under different circumstances, and that vilifies women who simply don’t want it.

I think we get a taste of that from this mom. “It’s not the kids, it’s the laundry.” We’ve already spoken at great length about mental load and women doing a disproportionate amount of domestic labor. Stats are showing that this has affected birth rates globally. As a side note: I also love that she’s looking hot on the dance floor reminding us that moms can still have fun and be chic AF. We don’t need to be put in boxes.

To further emphasize how this conversation feels laced with misogyny, many users, including this one, point out that Seth Rogan had similarly commented about his childfree perspective that had the internet talking, but not quite so negatively. Was there a reason one comment landed differently on everyone’s ears or is this an example of how some of the backlash might be an objection to the source more than the comments themselves?

I’ve included just a sampling of articles and social posts throughout this piece from people reacting to this interview, but I want to let you know that I’ll be sharing way more on Mother of a Dilemma’s Instagram stories and TikTok if you’re curious to see some more points of view on this.

I would also love to hear your thoughts about this whole issue.

Chappell Roan’s Viral “Call Her Daddy” Comments

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