Donald Trump Wants To Get You Pregnant
Well, not personally I suppose (I hope). But he has made it very clear he wants a baby boom here in the US. He’s calling himself the “fertilization president”, which probably sends chills down your spine. Ewww. But it’s no secret the birth rate has been consistently declining since 2007, and the government is starting to panic.
The New York Times dropped this piece on Monday about the big brainstorm our government is doing to incentivize us to get married and have more children:
White House Assess Ways To Persuade Women To Have More Children
I’ve rewritten this piece about a dozen times. My early drafts contained far more rage, and I’ve slowly evolved it into a piece that’s a bit more matter of fact while still, I hope, conveying my wild disapproval. But, I’m not trying to get thrown into a detention center in El Salvador after all.
On one level this whole concept is insulting because not all women want to or can naturally become mothers. This administration is reinforcing this narrative that being a mother is a woman’s purpose and it’s a “problem” if she’s not fulfilling this (which isn’t true). We need to be supporting a woman’s right to choose the life she wants to live. We’re not just baby machines here to further the political and financial goals of men. We’re people… with dreams, feelings, desires, ambitions, and goals. Not all of those center around having children for every woman.
This kind of societal programming can really mess with your head if you’re considering being childfree. It’s important to recognize that messaging for exactly what it is… just programming. It’s not fact. It’s not right. It’s just what people are used to hearing. It can be unprogrammed if you like!
They’re worried about societal collapse if there aren’t enough workers to support older generations in the future. Look, men are the ones who set up the social security system the way it is, which to be honest, I’m still unclear how it’s different from a Ponzi scheme. But either way, why is it on women to bail you out of this flawed system by having children they don’t want? Like, is there no other way to reform that system to work for everyone regardless of how many babies are born? There has to be.
It’s also a bit disturbing to hear an administration who is actively terrorizing families of color and the LGBTQ community talk about being pro-family. Let’s be clear, they want straight white people to get married and have children to rebuild some old, racist 1950’s America. It’s not painting the picture they think it is for many of us about family values.
Those grievances aside, I know there are women who are on the fence and might be open to having children if circumstances are right. I agree, we need to make some changes that make having children a more attractive proposition to these women. We need to remove some of the fears, concerns and barriers to becoming parents that are currently deterring Millennials and GenZ.
Let’s look at some of the ideas they’re considering…
Menstrual Cycle Classes. For who, men in Congress? Yeah I agree that would be beneficial. They don’t seem to know a fucking thing about women’s bodies. Oh wait, for female citizens of birthing age? No, we know how periods and cycles work. This isn’t the problem. Next?
A “National Medal of Motherhood” for women who have six or more children. Sorry, is this a punchline written by someone at Saturday Night Live for Weekend Update? It might easily be the stupidest idea on the list. Next?
Baby bonuses. Ok, I’m listening. They’d be $5k a pop after delivery? That’s… not enough to put it gently. That wouldn’t even cover delivery hospital bills for many women. Experts approximate the cost of raising a child each year is between $18,000 - 36,000 (PER YEAR) depending on where you live and as high as over $400,000 total over childhood. $5k is hardly a drop in the bucket. And I’m sure they’d fuckin’ tax it, too. Even if they could offer $100k, which they can’t and won’t, financial incentive alone wouldn’t be enough. Trying to throw money at the problem really shows a lack of understanding of why women are wanting fewer children these days.
Here’s a novel idea: Why don’t you ask women what they want instead of trying to guess? And honestly, you wouldn’t even need to ask. Women have already been quite vocal about what they want. This is literally an open book test, and they’re still managing to fail it.
I can appreciate that they’ve noticed this decline and want to address it. It’s not wrong to notice and be curious about this. But instead of just forcing it back up for reasons that benefit them and nobody else, they need to stop and ask “WHY are birth rates falling?” and more importantly, “What are we doing that’s contributing to the decline?” It’s time to take responsibility and make improvements.
Here’s what women want and need to truly be incentivized (if they’re open to children in the first place):
Restore Roe v Wade. Women need to feel safe to have miscarriages and abortions, medically necessary or not. We need people focused on lowering the maternal mortality rate while we’re at it.
Fix the economy. How? I’ll give you a hint: It’s not tariffs and trade wars.
Make housing and childcare affordable. People can barely afford to rent homes in this country, let alone shell out a second rent’s worth of money for childcare each month. Some people making six figure salaries are living paycheck to paycheck. People not fortunate to make this much are in poverty.
Give parents paid parental leave. Not just for mothers, for fathers too. If you really think having children is this important, treat it like it is. Support new parents.
Encourage men to pull their weight at home. We need a culture shift in the home. I wrote “The Reason People Aren’t Having Kids…” back in March, which discusses how a Nobel Prize winning economist says the data shows that this domestic labor gap is the culprit. As I said, men need to lead the charge on this change.
Address climate change. At bare minimum, stop engaging in activities that make it actively so much worse. We need to feel like the world is still going to exist while our children and grandchildren walk the earth. Give people some hope.
Recommit to democracy. A lot of Americans are terrified by the direction our country is going. Daily comparisons to Nazi Germany and the Holocaust are painting an apocalyptic picture in the US that doesn’t make women feel safe procreating. Feeling like WWIII is about to drop any second is killing the bedroom vibes.
Which would have the biggest impact for you as you decide? Share it in the comments.
You don’t need a massive brainstorm. You don’t need to be a mind reader. This isn’t rocket science, which I actually wish it was because then maybe our government would actually be able to figure this out quickly and easily by shooting Katy Perry into space. But as I look at the current administration, they’re moving in the wrong direction on all of these things. They’re actually taking steps to accelerate the declining birth rate as I see it.
And look, I hate this administration, and part of me wants them to fail. But that’s just my ego talking. In reality, I don’t want to watch everything burn around me just so I can go, “See?! Told ya!” I care about women and my fellow Americans. Despite my lack of confidence, I want this administration to get it right. I want my country to go in a better direction. I want the world to feel like a safer place for all of us. I want women who want to have children to be able to do so more easily. I want women who are leaning “Yes” to feel better about choosing it. It breaks my heart that things have gotten so bad that some women who want children won’t experience it in their lifetime because their fertility window timed out when we couldn’t get our shit together. It’s not right. It’s not fair. I want things to improve as quickly as possible.
The literal ONLY thing I heard them wanting to do that sounded good was make IVF more affordable. Yes, thank you. That is a great idea. Lots of women actively want children and are struggling to realize that dream. If you want to slow the decline of the birth rate, it’s smart to focus on this group of women. Of course with the caveat that we can’t be punishing women for embryos that die or anything like that. This is only incentivizing if we’re addressing the points above. Nobody sane is looking to explore IVF in the world of Gillead.
I think Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is a scary individual, but I do agree with him that it would be great to invest in finding the root causes of infertility to help women who want to have children and are struggling. Health research is always historically lacking for women, and I would support more resources and efforts being put toward understanding the female body and new discoveries that could help women who want to become mothers get pregnant. Again, to help women who want to be mothers, not to be weaponized against women who want to be childfree.
RFK Jr wants to “Make America Healthy Again” or “MAHA”, which I love the idea of in theory, but don’t feel he’s the man for the job. I’m actually quite a big believer in holistic medicine. I used it to heal my gut issues a few years ago after western medicine was useless. But we need someone with some credibility to help us integrate it alongside western medicine. RFK Jr is not our guy for this.
We can apparently expect a more formal report on this in mid-May so I guess we’ll find out then which ideas this administration thinks have legs. But to get women to come to the table on this, it’s going to need to be led by someone that women trust, and overwhelmingly it’s not anyone associated with this administration. If this administration is inspiring women to do anything, it’s to consider moving outside the country.
Valerie
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Paid parental leave! Universal child care! An education system that is funded and prioritized. Support of all families - no matter what that looks like.