I Think About It All The Time
Charli xcx Tells Us Being On The Fence Is Brat
Greetings to everyone having a Brat Summer… which now apparently includes Kamala Harris. If you haven’t been paying attention, Charli xcx released a new album in early June called Brat and the internet is going insane as it tends to do. You can find GenZ doing the “Apple Dance” all over TikTok inspired by one of the new songs, and even celebrities like the stars of Twisters were doing it while they promote their new film a couple weeks ago. As mentioned, Kamala Harris’ social team capitalized on the trend giving her some great visibility to younger voters.
There’s another track on Brat that caught my attention though, thanks to a friend and Mother of a Dilemma community member sending it my way. Track 14 on the new album is “I think about it all the time” where Charli (31) seemingly admits that the possibility of having a baby just might be her “Roman Empire”. Here are some of the lyrics if you’re not in a place where you can listen right now:
[Chorus]
I think about it all the time
That I might run out of time
But I finally met my baby
And a baby might be mine
'Cause maybe one day I might
If I don't run out of time
Would it give my life a new purpose? (Mmm)
[Verse 1]
I was walking around in Stockholm
Seriously thinking 'bout my future for the first time
It was ice cold, playing demos on my iPhone
I went to my friend's place and I met their baby for the first time
How sublime
What a joy, oh my, oh my
Standing there
Same old clothes she wore before, holding her child, yeah
She's a radiant mother and he's a bеautiful father
And now they both know thesе things that I don't
[Chorus]
I think about it all the time
That I might run out of time
But I finally met my baby
And a baby might be mine
'Cause maybe one day I might
If I don't run out of time
Would it make me miss all my freedom?
I think about it all the time
I-I think about it all the time
That I might run out of time
But I finally met my baby
And a baby might be mine
'Cause maybe one day I might
If I don't run out of time
Would it give my life a new purpose?
I think about it all the time
[Verse 2]
And they're exactly the same, but they're different now
And I'm so scared I'm missin' out on something
So, we had a conversation on the way home
Should I stop my birth control?
'Cause my career feels so small
In the existential scheme of it all
This song definitely feels like she leans “Yes” but of course now that her stardom is hitting new heights, the issue is probably further complicated if I had to guess. Stars, they’re just like us, right? Charli spoke about the song on Las Culturistas podcast, and Shannon Keating wrote about it for The Cut in her article “Should I Be a Mom, or Should I Stay a ‘Brat’?”. It’s exciting to hear our favorite celebrities talking about the very thing we’re all thinking about. I’ve been seeing this dilemma gaining a ton of steam in recent years, and I feel like it’s only going to get bigger and bigger.
And hey, now we have an anthem for our community, which I think is really significant. I’m seeing a path forward where this is more openly talked about, and not just when the fertility window is starting to close. I can see this cultural shift someday changing the conversation for women in their 20’s and even positioning the proposition of motherhood to younger women and girls as more of an opt-in scenario instead of a default assumption.
I hear from a lot of women that they think about it all the time… that it’s their “Roman Empire”. It’s pretty normal to think about it a lot, especially once you hit a specific age range. However, there is a point at which it can become counterproductive, and you may need help having it take up a little less mental hard drive. I personally struggled with this a lot for a year or two. I became obsessed and desperate to make a decision so I could stop thinking about it. I kept dialing up the intensity thinking it would force a faster result. It didn’t work.
And believe me, you absolutely can overthink this decision. That may seem counterintuitive. It is afterall the biggest most permanent decision you can make, right?! Yes… AND, there is no pros and cons list or number of hours spent thinking about it that will magically give you the answer. You can go in circles, confuse yourself and work yourself into a tizzy. It can get to a place where it’s no longer productive and becomes bad for your mental health.
If you’re thinking about it too much and going in circles, try putting a date on the calendar in the future where you’ll revisit it. Trust me, I get it. This can feel like a stupid idea when you already feel like you’re out of time, but it doesn’t have to be super far into the future. Try 1 month. Whenever your mind comes to the topic, gently remind yourself that you will think about it on that date and that you’re safe to not think about it until then. Easier said than done, I know. But the truth is that nothing will substantially change between now and then, and you can give your brain the break it needs to reset. Remind yourself that letting your mind spiral about it is actually SLOWING DOWN your process and keeping you from clarity. It’s more likely that you’ll get clarity faster if you take a break and let your brain have some rest. We do it all the time at work, right? We’re deep into a project, we step away for a minute and then when we come back, we see something new.
I used to think, “Well, then I’m just going to lose a month! I’ll be in the exact same position, but I’ll just be a month older!” And it’s possible, maybe you will be in the same position, but a lot of times, taking the break allows you to come back to it with fresh eyes and less burnout. Exiting the death spiral can help you think clearer. I know this from personal experience. And you can repeat this process of giving yourself a break from it until you make progress.
We’ve all heard “A watched pot never boils.” The boil will happen whether you stand there staring at it or not. It’ll feel a lot faster and it’ll be a lot more pleasant if you just step away for a minute and come back to the pot. There will be a time where you make a decision. The pot will eventually boil. Trust that your future self will handle it.
I’m also a fan of “The Story of Two Woodcutters” which I think can be helpful here too. It’s a lesson in working smarter, not harder, but I think it also works when we think about brain power. When we rest our minds periodically, they’re able to do more for us when we try to use them again. We end up getting further toward our goal than if we just powered through.
If you’re thinking about it a lot but it’s not causing you stress, then take your time and let your mind explore it! Keep an open and curious mind and see where it takes you. To everyone on the fence thinking about it all the time, enjoy your Brat summer. And I guess that means Mother of a Dilemma is Brat? Nice.
Valerie
very very brat